On Submitting…and the Desires of Your Heart…

Homeschooling was a “calling” for me. As for my husband, God called him a couple of years later. Waiting on God to call my husband was a serious lesson in marital submission, which has been an ongoing lesson in my life. Coming from a long line of fierce women, I have yet to master submission, even after 35 years of marriage! I write this to impress the importance of respecting your husband’s role as the spiritual leader of the family. Even if you feel that God has called you to do something. Wait, on the Lord’s perfect timing!
This happened back when I was a brand-new Christian, fresh from the apron strings of Bible Study Fellowship, and at a turning point in my life. I was a busy mom with two young daughters that kept me hopping between babysitters and nannies. My heart was ready to stay home, because I was pregnant with our third child. I had been working in my husband’s dental office and chipping away at classes at WSU to finish my college degree. When Mark and I married, I uprooted my life to move to Wichita. I had been making friends with his friends, and as I met their wives, I noticed most had careers or one to fall back on. This left me with a hard choice, whether to continue broadening my options while helping my husband expand his business, or be a stay home mom. My desire to homeschool had been growing, so I was praying for direction.
To be honest, I really hoped Mark would expand the office. The idea had not occurred to him, since I tend to be the dreamer of “the next big thing”. One night I could not sleep, so I got up and found some blueprint paper. (No, I didn’t just have it on hand… this was premeditated.) I spent a few hours, while everyone was in bed, drawing up a design to-scale of what could be done with the extra space next-door to his office. (No, the space was not available yet… but I knew it would be perfect!) The next day, something told me to hide the blueprint from Mark. (Maybe it was the verse that says, “The heart of her husband safely trusts in her, so that he shall have no lack of gain”.) A short time later, the office space became available! Thank you God, just as I thought! I prayed for the right words, and casually mentioned to Mark…the extra space would sure be great.
Of course, Mark couldn’t see how it would work, or what he would do with all that space. That’s when I, his better half, stepped in. Well, dear husband dear…Voila! I whipped out the blueprint scroll and spread it out on the table. I was so proud of my great idea! Mark simply stood there, not saying a word. He shook his head in disbelief. With some embarrassment, I looked at him, scratched my head and smiled, “Well, I was just sayin….”
Yes, God was at work in our growing family, listening to our prayers and teaching us lessons in marriage and finances. Did I mention that we were involved with Crown Ministries Financial Bible Study? The main goal in Crown is to avoid going into debt. I had a lot to pray about (and a lot to learn)! Was it God’s will for Mark to expand the business, and go into debt? Did God want me to continue to work outside the home? Or was it God’s will for me to stay home? Was I meant to homeschool? As I prayed, I laid out a “fleece” for the Lord to give me a sign. I prayed, “Lord, if you want me to stay home, then you will let me know.”
Meanwhile, Mark had contractors look at my plans and draw up their own. They gave him estimates as he talked to bankers. Mark called me from the office the same week that I had laid out “my fleece prayer”. I remember his voice, it sounded grave and seriously sad. He slowly explained why he just could not go into debt. I could tell that he really didn’t want to let me down. But my answer was easy, “Of course, honey, I understand.” And I really did understand. God had given me the sign I asked for! For a moment, I was disappointed, but that soon changed to a feeling of anticipation. I knew that God’s plans would be better!
During the wait, I had been teaching our two daughters to read and do simple math problems. (I knew God had called me, so I was not going to sit on my hands while I was still waiting for Mark!) I also volunteered at my daughter’s public school the first semester, while she was in first grade. The next semester, my husband got involved with the PTA with a group of men. All the time, I prayed and prayed and prayed. I knew that God was at work behind the scenes, even while I was crying my eyes out, and praying. Truly, I did not pester my husband, but the next year I did ask him to go to the kindergarten round-up, when it was time for our second daughter.
At the parent meeting, my husband asked the kindergarten teacher what she hoped to accomplish during the year of kindergarten. “Reading preparedness and simple math problems,” was her happy answer. (Our daughter was already doing both.) That night, to my surprise, Mark came home and announced that he had decided that we should homeschool! It was already August! This meant not just Kindergarten, but 2nd grade too! Mind you, I had no curriculum, and now we had and a toddler son to keep me busy too, but I was mentally prepared to get going! Friends had told me to “Be careful of what you pray for!” Let me pass this on to you! And, yes, wait on the Lord’s perfect timing! Be assured that it will not happen on your timeline, but God will answer your prayer in a way he chooses to bless you.
Incidentally, the commercial landlord had a hard time leasing out the space next door to Mark’s dental office. Knowing that Mark wanted the space, the landlord made a low offer that Mark couldn’t refuse! With the help from his dad (who had built his first house) and Mark’s handy brother, and my awesome blueprint plan… they created a perfectly great and very affordable office expansion. Yes, God will give you the desires of your heart.

Scripture to consider:
Psalms 27:14; 33:20; 37:3-7, 34; 40:1; 59:9; 62:1,5; 130:5-6
Lamentations 3:24-26; Micah 7:7
Proverbs 31:11-12
Judges 6: 36-40

Leaning on God’s Understanding

The question keeps returning…”Why? Why, Lord? Why did you allow that to happen?” You see, I believe God is all powerful, all-knowing, ever-present and full of compassion. So why would God allow such a tragic accident? A single-car accident (only theirs was involved) took the life of a vibrant young woman from our church, and her husband.  Evidently, their truck lost control and hit the only tree to be seen on that Kansas road… head-on.  This happened the day after they were married at the courthouse!

Now, I was regretting the past few times that I had missed my quiet times with the Lord.  Instead of going directly to God, I was wandering through my house, refusing to meet with Him.  I really needed to sit down and be still, to pray for answers. Instead, I was dragging my feet around in circles.  My heart knew He was patiently waiting near my empty chairs.  Two empty, red swivel armchairs faced the fireplace, or turned to look out the back door onto the sunny back porch. That was our usual meeting place, without a specified time, which was the problem.  I needed Him, and He was near, but I hadn’t drawn near.

The enemy had been busy all morning, filling my thoughts with negativity, or side-tracking me with cooking and cleaning instead of surrendering to God.  So of course, when I finally decided to walk towards the spot, I stepped into a puddle of water leaking from the dishwasher.  Water was all over our fairly new dark hardwood floor.  I swabbed that up and tried to sit down again, pushing away my worries about a broken dishwasher.  I had only read one sentence before I spilled a full glass of water all over my books! Really, Lord?  I stopped again, and mopped that up, too!  That’s when I threw the towel in the sink and cried out loud, “Okay, I surrender!” God had my attention. I would be quiet and listen.

I sat down and opened a devotional. one that I open for a quick word.  I decided to look at yesterday’s reading, or the one for August 7th, the day I learned of Bekah’s death.  And God spoke. “Understanding will never bring you peace. That’s why I have instructed you to trust Me, not in your understanding.” Amen!

There were verses to look up. Proverbs 3:5-6; Romans 5:1; 2 Thessalonians 3:16. The devotional closed with a promise, “My Peace is not an elusive goal, hidden at the center of some complicated maze. Actually, you are always enveloped in Peace, which is inherent in My Presence. As you look to Me, you gain awareness of this precious Peace.”  The writer of the devotional had taken the liberty to speak as if God was speaking… but it was what my heart needed… to draw near.

Reading in Romans, I found “we have access by faith into this grace by which we stand…..and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.” Trust in God. Have faith, experience peace. Yes, absolutely! Faith is something that I must hold onto. Faith is all I have that gives me the hope of glory. Faith is something Bekah shared daily in the way she lived.  Because of her unwavering faith, even at her young age of 19, she will rest in glory, beside her husband, with the Lord in heaven forever.  Faith is what she shared in her death, because God’s will was so apparent.

As I have said before in my blog, “With God’s grace, acceptance finds understanding”! But how? Only through faith.  Faith gives us access to this grace! Faith allows us to accept the hard things, the solid answers to questions we ask God.  Faith helps us to accept His answers, because we believe that God can only do what is good, and will do what He deems right for those he loves.

Jesus told his disciples, “In this world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” The next thing he said was “Father, the hour has come. Glorify Your Son, that Your Son also may glorify You…” And then, Jesus was then arrested, betrayed, and crucified. But be of good cheer? Yes, that is what He told them! Cheer up, I have overcome! And He said this before he died for us!

Faith overcomes stuff like the accident, or anything that overwhelms us.  Faith gives us the confidence to believe, and to hope for God’s answers.  After having my quiet time, nothing had really changed, but my hope in God had, in effect, caused me to be lifted above the overwhelming flood of emotions.  Through the grace of the Lord Jesus, I felt a saving grace from the overwhelming flood of tears!  His grace poured out, like that glass of water, all over me.

My friend, that is the power of prayer, and the power of God’s grace. Only through His grace, will I hold onto the hope that gives me.  Through His grace, I will experience peace.  Psalm 71….Therefore, I will have hope.